Forgiveness

One of our mentors, John Koh, gave Gus and I Tim Keller's recent book on marriage, "The Meaning of Marriage", when Gus went to the Shepherds' Conference in March. Thank you John for giving us this book! It has been life changing in more than just the area of marriage. While I was reading the book, it felt like I was having a meaningful discussion with an older, wiser couple, who have been married for over 30 years. Every time I picked up the book, it felt like I was invited into their living room to sit and have conversations about the Cross, marriage, forgiveness, love, and so much more. I was sad to finish.

One of the most impacting areas from the book has been on the topic of forgiveness. A topic talked about so much today because of how vital it is. In our lives. And especially in our marriages. I am a sinner. Gus is a sinner. We daily sin against each other. Therefore, forgiveness becomes a very essential part of our marriage. Yet sometimes it feels like the most impossible and difficult aspect of our marriage.

Why is forgiveness so hard? Because my pride gets in the way. I don't want to forgive. Instead I want to punish and hold onto my "wounds." Vincent Milton spoke at FBC's Family Camp last year on the topic of forgiveness and he spoke about how forgiveness is so hard because you are basically taking and absorbing that other person's sin without doing anything in return. It is like a mini death every time we forgive.

One of the issues Keller's book addresses is how the Cross changes our perspective and ability to forgive our spouse. And then what that forgiveness does to our marriages. (By the way, can I just encourage you to read this book? Regardless of your marital state or how many years you have been married, this book is incredibly impactful and you will benefit from reading it. ) Here are three quotes which sum up what most impacted me...

"Our sins hurt Jesus infinitely more than your spouse's sins hurt you. You may feel your spouse is crucifying you, but our sins really did put Jesus on the cross, yet he forgave us."

"I see your sin, but I can cover it with forgiveness, because Jesus saw my sin and covered it."

"I don't know of anything more necessary in marriage than the ability to forgive fully, freely, unpunishingly, from the heart.

Just about a month ago, Gus and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. I could sit here and fill the next few sentences with mushy things about how thankful I am for Gus, how these past years have been so amazing and the best years of my life, how I love Gus more today than that day I walked down the aisle to him, and much more. Those things (and more) are all true. But somehow those words do not fully convey the substance of our marriage and the man that the Lord in His infinite wisdom has deemed to give me as my husband.

"For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised."

(2 Corinthians 5:14-15 ESV)

It is this love that I pray will change me. That as I remember the bloody and painful sacrifice that Christ did on the Cross for me and my sins, because He loved me, that I would be able to in turn love and forgive. That my life would be, as it says above, actually controlled by His love, so that I will not live for myself. But Christ. As a testimony of the Gospel and all that He has done and accomplished in my life. On the Cross.

PS (Can blog posts have PS's? Well this one does.) I just wanted to comment on the pictures in this blog. Originally, it was all text, without pictures. But Gus told me I shouldn't do a blog post without pictures! So I thought it would be fun to put a few pictures of us as a couple, throughout the years. I started strolling down memory lane and just couldn't stop!! Thanks for indulging me and I hope you have fun seeing our hairstyles change and grow :)